Just 37,995 to go … Photograph: Simon Preshous/Getty ImagesJust 37,995 to go … Photograph: Simon Preshous/Getty ImagesWhat a slip-up! The shop in Orkney that accidentally ordered 38,000 bananas The Kirkwall branch of Tesco meant to buy 380kg of fruit. Instead, it placed an order for 380 boxes – each containing 100 pieces
Name: Banana bonanza.
Age: A few days old – and getting riper by the minute.
Appearance: Try to imagine a lot of bananas.
Easy. How many bananas is a lot of bananas? About 38,000 bananas.
I’ve changed my mind. This is impossible to visualise. Then you need to get to Orkney as soon as you can.
What’s in Orkney? About 38,000 bananas.
I suppose I should have seen that coming. The real question you should be asking is why there are 38,000 bananas in Orkney. Because the answer is “human error”.
Explain. The Kirkwall branch of Tesco recently intended to order 380kg of bananas, which is about 2,500 bananas. But it accidentally ordered 380 wholesale boxes, each of which contained about 100 bananas.
We’ve all been there. Once, I thought I had ordered a family pack of Mini Babybels, but in fact I had ordered one Mini Babybel. Did this hilarious mix-up result in you having to deal with 38,000 bananas?
No, it resulted in me having five fewer Mini Babybels than anticipated. What a bad story. Try again when you’re up to your armpits in bananas.
Couldn’t the surplus be absorbed by the local population? Only about 22,000 people live across the islands of Orkney. As an equivalent, this would be like a Tesco in Greater London (population 9m as of 2024, according to the Office for National Statistics) accidentally ordering 15.5m bananas.
Wait a minute, that’s only about 1.73 bananas each. But what about those who don’t like bananas, or indeed the bananaphobic? That would push up the banana intake for everyone else.
There’s no such thing as bananaphobia. Tell that to Sweden’s former equality minister Paulina Brandberg, who bravely revealed her fear of bananas in 2024.
Sure, I’ll tell Brandberg not to visit Orkney for the length of time it takes the average Orcadian to eat 1.73 bananas. I don’t think you’re grasping the severity of the matter here. Tesco had a time-sensitive crisis on its hands.
Sorry, you’re right. What happened? The store gave away boxes to schools and community groups, a Tesco spokesperson told the BBC.
Oh, that was it? Yes. Crisis averted, lots of happy children. Victory snatched from the jaws of defeat. Well done, everyone.
Still, what a hilarious slip-up. If that was a banana-skin joke, you’re fired.
Do say: “Banana bread for everyone!”
Don’t say: “This is just like lockdown.”
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