Health officials are now predicting that most Americans are going to get COVID-19, and “in the next six to eight weeks, half of the population in Western Europe will be infected,” Stephen Colbert said on Wednesday’s Late Show. “And based on the last time something spread this aggressively through Western Europe, I’m gonna go ahead and say that France has already surrendered.”

“We have some good news from a source not known for it: Florida,” where the FDA just extended the shelf life of a million COVID tests Gov. Ron De Santis (R) let expire in a warehouse, Colbert said. “This is great for folks down in Florida who need tests but even better for me, because the FDA is finally confirming what I have known for years: expiration dates are a myth, a mere suggestion.” He brought out a very old can of sausage to explain why.

“A new study found that cannabis compounds stopped infection by the COVID-19 virus,” Colbert said, calling that “great news for all the teenagers those parents found weed in their room.”

Yes, “researchers at Oregon State University believe they may have found a natural way to ward off the virus, and that natural way is cannabis,” Jimmy Kimmel said on Kimmel Live. “According to this study, cannabis compounds prevent COVID-19 from infecting our cells — Cannabis Compound, also what Willie Nelson calls his house.” What’s funny, he acknowledged, is he thinks horse dewormer, bleach, and “all these crazy cures” are simply “ridiculous,” but “then somebody says ‘Marijuana prevents COVID,’ I’m like ‘Oh, really? Do tell.'”

Meanwhile, “our crazy ex-president has been making the interview rounds,” Kimmel said. “He stopped by OAN last night to vax poetic, to slam Joe Biden, and even take shots at some of his fellow Republicans,” De Santis in particular. “Imagine being called ‘gutless’ by Capt. Bone Spurs,” he marveled.

Meyers
Trump on Tuesday also “ended an interview with NPR by abruptly hanging up after he was fact-checked on his lies about the 2020 election,” Seth Meyers said on Late Night, submitting that interview to a meandering closer look.

Yes, “Trump hung up during an interview with NPR,” but “it’s not the first time Trump’s hung up on a phone call,” Jimmy Fallon said on The Tonight Show, playing some examples. He also noted the FDA extending the expiration date of those million Florida COVID tests. “When they heard that, the CDC said, ‘Hey, making up rules as you go is our thing.'”